The Whomping Willows (Blog)

I’m pretty sure the first time I met Esther was at LeakyCon. I remember a small girl with crazy hair and an utterly gigantic smile, and I remember thinking that the sea of people in the room had parted unconsciously to let her through. She was that kind of girl. I remember talking with her briefly, and coming away thinking, “I don’t know this girl but she is totally amazing.” I didn’t know she was suffering from an illness. I just knew that she must have a big heart, because something about her filled me with hope.

I learned more about Esther through her friends, particularly Katie Twyman, whose love of Esther alone convinced me that I should continue learning more. Finally, I had an opportunity to have dinner with Esther and her family earlier this month. Lauren and I had played a show in Portland ME the night before, and we stopped by Esther’s house on the way home. It was Esther’s birthday, and we were joined by her parents, sisters, brothers, Andrew Slack, and his friend Jeanine. 

Esther’s family is beautiful. Five children in all, and each of them share Esther’s intense dimples and ability to light the room up with a smile. Her parents are smart and friendly and open, and they love and adore their children. Like any parent would, of course, but I think a child’s chronic illness has a way of magnifying love and adoration, because the parent has in some way begun to accept a potential loss. I saw this with my mother as she dealt with my brother’s issues over the years (he had more of a chronic mental illness) ; her dedication to him was unwavering and unconditional. It still is, nearly five years after his death.

Anyway. We ate dinner and then spent a few hours just talking, goofing off, and playing a game that Esther and her family might have invented: we took turns passing around a soccer ball, which had various soul-searching questions written on it. It appears that each family member had contributed questions to the question ball, meaning this family was unanimously in favor of talking about themselves with each other — something that many families lack these days. I was impressed that this game even existed in this household. I was even more impressed that they were so enthusiastic about playing it together. 

We took turns sharing intimate details about ourselves. I remained silent for most of the game, with the exception of the one time the ball was thrown to me. Mostly I just enjoyed listening to stories and catching glimpses into the lives of old friends and new friends. Andrew’s stories were probably the most compelling, but that’s just how he rolls. 

I came away from this night feeling a few things: 1) I was really impressed with Esther’s family. They were so upbeat, so energetic and optimistic, and so in tune with each other. I won’t say they were perfect, because nobody is, but the household brimmed with love and support and it inspired me. 2) I felt like I wanted to spend more time with Esther, not out of some weird obligation, not because Lauren wanted to, not because her family encouraged us to visit again — I felt this way because I truly wanted to be Esther’s friend. 3) This is tricky, but in some way I felt a little uncomfortable with all the attention that Esther has gotten lately, from nerdfighteria and the HP community alike. Not that it hasn’t been deserved, because Esther was and will always be an inspirational person for anyone who knew her. I just felt that if I were in Esther’s position (that is, fully aware of my own flaws as any human being should be), I might feel weird about being celebrated as someone who’s exceptional (and this feeling is something she acknowledged in a recent vlog). The fact of the matter is that Esther was only human. A wonderful, beautiful human being, but human nonetheless.

What’s inspirational about her is how she handled her humanity, including her susceptibility to illness. She kept smiling and she kept loving. She kept her enthusiasm, her kindness, her friendliness. I’m sure there were times when she just wanted to hide in her room and shut everyone else out; I’d bet there were moments when she did. I wasn’t privy to those moments, but I’m sure her family and close friends were. But I think we can learn much about Esther from her Make-A-Wish Foundation choice: she chose to have all of her closest friends with her in one place. Nothing fancy, just a gathering of her favorite people. 

I’ve always believed that unusual hardships inspire people to focus on what’s truly important, and I think this is one lesson we can all learn from Esther.